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“You should tell them you’re going for tacos.” As the phone started ringing, I looked over at Carol on the bed. She was on her back, facing me, legs spread wide, with two fingers spreading her labia exposing her bright pink labia. She mouthed the words “eat tacos” as I tried to talk to my Mom. Mom was fine with me not being home, but she always tried to tell me all about her life. I have no idea what my Mom said. My eyes were fixed on Carol’s slender fingers massaging her clit. I had dropped my towel and was stroking my now fully hard cock furiously as I watched Carol’s back arch as she came quietly. A significant wet spot appeared on the comforter. Mom prattled on on the phone.

I left her there, naked and bleeding, and the next time I saw her, she was at the base of the west tower, having jumped to her death. Galvin told me not to concern myself with her, that she was simply a broken toy, and that I would find another. But I knew different. She wasn’t a broken toy, and though she made her choice, it wasn’t suicide; it was murder. I killed her. I hurt her, I violated her, and made her life so painful that I might as well have pushed her off that tower myself. I knew it, but I didn’t want to accept it.

The second error is taking silence for an answer. When you pray to God and get only silence, that is neither a yes nor a no. It is simply the absence of a response. Whether or not God has heard your prayers is impossible to know, so however you interpret the silence, it is due to your own feelings. If you do something wrong and God doesn’t punish you, does that mean your actions are condoned or forgiven? How could you possibly know if God doesn’t explicitly tell you? God hasn’t deemed you unworthy; you deemed yourself unworthy. Do not try to find meaning in silence. All you hear is your own conscience.”