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Maybe you and I do deserve to suffer for our wrongdoing. If that’s so, then it means that when things get painful, when things get difficult, we don’t have the luxury of quitting. We don’t get to end our lives to escape what we did. Whatever form the pain takes, we bear it, we endure it, we welcome it, all while we try to make this world a place where people like us, like how we used to be, have no place, and the people who would be hurt can instead live in peace. The next time you encounter an obstacle you cannot overcome, when you just want to curl up into a ball and quit on the world, remind yourself that you don’t deserve the peace of surrender. You have to keep working, to keep fighting, to keep suffering, until the day when you’ve fully repented.

“Jim, can I see you for a minute before you go?” My heart sank. When everybody had left, Carol closed the door and faced me with a stern look. What’s the matter Jim? You look like your puppy just died.”“I just feel bad about what I did to you. You know, your bum and everything. I hope you’re not mad.” Carol burst out laughing.

“Here Brucie, playtime!” I called, his head immediately perking up from his nap. “Playtime, Brucie!” I repeated, and he scurried to his feet—I almost never let him have me twice in such quick succession, so he was understandably excited. But as he hurried over to Mom and me he ignored her completely, coming around behind me and trying to push me to the ground instead!