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“Lick me right here,” she said, spreading her pussy lips and touching her clit with one hand.” “If you lick me here, I will be in heaven.” I reached the tip of my tongue and just touched her clit, flicking my tongue gently. “Oh hell yeah…just keep doing that…” Carol grabbed my hair and held my face in her pussy. She ground her clit against my tongue. My face was covered with her juices. Her pussy smelled wonderful. I think I developed my lifelong love of eating pussy in that moment. “Mmmmm…ohhhh…oh God…mmmm.” Carol moaned, her breathing becoming more rapid. She dug her heels into my back as she rubbed her pussy harder against my tongue and face. “Awwww…yeah…yeah…GOD!!” Carol’s body tensed and thrashed, her back arched sharply as she came in my mouth. “Wow…oh my God…your tongue feels amazing.” She released her grip on my hair and let me come up for air.

The second error is taking silence for an answer. When you pray to God and get only silence, that is neither a yes nor a no. It is simply the absence of a response. Whether or not God has heard your prayers is impossible to know, so however you interpret the silence, it is due to your own feelings. If you do something wrong and God doesn’t punish you, does that mean your actions are condoned or forgiven? How could you possibly know if God doesn’t explicitly tell you? God hasn’t deemed you unworthy; you deemed yourself unworthy. Do not try to find meaning in silence. All you hear is your own conscience.”

I left her there, naked and bleeding, and the next time I saw her, she was at the base of the west tower, having jumped to her death. Galvin told me not to concern myself with her, that she was simply a broken toy, and that I would find another. But I knew different. She wasn’t a broken toy, and though she made her choice, it wasn’t suicide; it was murder. I killed her. I hurt her, I violated her, and made her life so painful that I might as well have pushed her off that tower myself. I knew it, but I didn’t want to accept it.