merlinisapien

I left her there, naked and bleeding, and the next time I saw her, she was at the base of the west tower, having jumped to her death. Galvin told me not to concern myself with her, that she was simply a broken toy, and that I would find another. But I knew different. She wasn’t a broken toy, and though she made her choice, it wasn’t suicide; it was murder. I killed her. I hurt her, I violated her, and made her life so painful that I might as well have pushed her off that tower myself. I knew it, but I didn’t want to accept it.

He had never told her what he and Alexis spoke of that snowy morning, never told her the real reason why he had helped her break free of Galvin. If he did, how would she react? Would she become disheartened, accusing him of toying with her for his own selfish desires because he couldn’t let go of the past? Or would she go with it, try to take up the role of his long-departed wife, forsaking her identity, her future, and her relationship with Alexis just to receive his affection? Neither was an outcome he wanted.

“If God was angry at you, do you not think him capable of clearly telling you? You say you have dirtied your soul in the eyes of God, but that is because you feel that way, not because God appeared and told you. There are two errors that people make regarding their faith. The first is believing that they understand God, that God shares their values and thinks like they do. To think that you can know what God feels, wants, believes, and demands is the ultimate hubris, surpassed only by declaring yourself God.